Your talent with the film and lens
is obvious to all your friends
and even more, it's plain to see
to your extended family

so on this day, where we make room
to celebrate you leaving womb
that fateful day - how long ago?
(I'm not sure that we want to know)
the earth didn't shake, it's spin didn't stall
but it meant something special to us all

that day you popped out, nothing but pink and goo
there was no way of knowing, no, nobody knew
just what it was that you would grow up to be
a fighter of fires, a mother of three?
a thinker reknowned, or a worker, blue collar?
a prostitute that you could buy for a dollar?
(of course everyone hoped you'd avoid that sad end
but they couldn't be certain, we need not pretend)
a seller of cars, a host on a game show?
a computer programmer, a kneader of dough?
- but who could know, and who would guess
so talented a photographress

so on this day, when we celebrate you
all the things you have done, and the things you may do
we'd like to help you, yes, we'd like to indeed
with the technical things good photographesses need
we know you have the talent, the focus, the eye
but there's always those things only money can buy

the problem we had as we thought of this need
was that we didn't know your zoom lens or film speed
we weren't even sure, that even if we knew
we'd be able to choose something useful to you
(and some of us even take pictures so poor
people see our flash winking and run for the door
we might be well-known experts in something we do
but on this exact subject, we haven't a clue
and when you see our pictures, it's plain that it's true
they are just good examples of what not to do
so if you ask us what would help you along
the tree that you're barking up clearly is wrong)

so in the best interest of all who're involved
we realized the best way that this could be solved
was to take our opinions, flush them down the lou
and leave the important decisions to you!

Happy Birthday!