I'm out at my parents' house, for Christmas. I see a bunch of presents under the tree, and our presents (for the kids) aren't there. They are in the back of my truck. So I step outside to get them, first backing my truck up to the patio. Apparently I back up too far, going into one of the cutaways where there have always been rhododendrons.

My dad comes out and he's really mad at me for damaging the patio. I say that I'm sorry, it was an accident, but he is really pissed off (unlike my dad's usual demeanor). So I stand up and say, no problem, I'll get it fixed right now. No matter what it costs, even though it's Christmas Eve, I can get somebody out here to fix it right away. But, I ask, what's actually broken here?

Dad says there's a bunch of metal now in the dirt, and I pick at it a little bit and pull out a wireless network router. "Well, I didn't put this junk here", I say, "a wireless router didn't just fall off my truck."

"Well, look at all this broken wood," he says, arranging a bunch of small pieces of wood from the dirt into about a 3-inch cube. But, just nearby but outside the area of influence, is a similar cube, that I guess my dad gathered earlier.

"Oh, right!" I say sarcastically, "And that one too! You know what, f*** this, f*** you!", and I get up to move my truck.

I'm blocked by Jesse Watters, the unbearably stupid and commensurately arrogant conservative TV host, who tries to take my dad's side. "F*** you too, idiot" I say.